Love – That singular force which can change things forever

‘Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.’
I am 32, pushing onto 33 yrs in a few months. I am hard of hearing – that is I have significant hearing issues. I am a virgin. I have never dated.Quite the constellation of factoids that’s pretty hard to find in this universe.

What I am I really looking for? Love. That phenomena which so many people people swear by. Love which is apparently said to have a magical property to transform the fortunes of a great many people.That which is said to result  in a sudden rush of that so called love hormone – Oxycontin – throughout the body.

I have always been kind of skeptical of blind love – the kind where two people eye each other and decide on the spot that they are pretty much made for each other for life. Maybe my skepticism arose from the fact that the films that I have been seen have been suffused with this blind love thing – you know a lot of make believe tales where people living in a
fairy castle fall in love with each other at first glance. Or perhaps being in a country, where conservationism is a virtue to be adored – thus, I have never quite seen many public displays of affection even between married couples, let alone single ones.

But I feel the biological clock ticking within me, the longer I stay without having a relationship. Kind of like I look at the others,  wonder about my aimless life, and then start thinking about whether having a solid relationship would give me a new direction in life – filled with some sort of ambition – like deeply caring for the family that you have. I certainly do identify strongly with the happy family unit, having grown up under the auspices of a very loving family – it certainly has a therapeutic effect on one’s overall health.

Maybe I am a goddamn shy person, maybe I keep my feelings within myself. I literally cloak myself under the guise of a different persona, but the truth is that I can get very voluble and emotional – when I am in the right frame of mind. I am pretty sure that if I were to ever find a loved one, I would open out the depths of my soul to her – I would goddamn do absolutely anything to keep her happy.

Marriage in my opinion isn’t just about a formal relationship. It is more  about a partnership where each one strives their utmost to keep the other happy. It will ride along the rocky shoals at times, but the beauty of a strong marriage is that each time the relationship is in a spot of bother, you get that opportunity to go one up and smooth out the issues and get even closer to your spouse at the end – by even making self sacrifices. That’s what marriage is all about – giving and taking on both sides. And that would actually align along with my strong inner urge to practice forgiveness – that action always gives me a peace of mind. And seeing the smile on the face of my partner would make me unalterably happier each day.

So yes, I want a partnership where we both can strive our best to keep each other happy. And get to grow gracefully with the passage of time.

It should never be a relationship where the lady of my life will get locked down in a particular way of living. I would really want her to go the full hog while living her life – sort of develop her personality so that it expands through all the possible dimensions -I for one, would have nothing but happiness if she were able to become the lady that she had always wanted to be – she should actually be quite independent of me and be able to do a lot more things on her own – that ways, we will actually make a great team.

I know I have never dated. I have never had sex. Should that be a bias against me – of course not – it only makes me all the more eager to learn about how to have happy sex – all the so much better if my partner-to-be is already experienced in the same, she would make for a great teacher at discovering the joys of sex – I have zero qualms what ever would be her past history regarding relationships et al – all that only matters is today and the morrow.She could have dated many people,have had sex with different people before, and I would not care about all that. None of it matters in the long run really. I could say it is possible that I have a high sexual drive – and no, I am not ashamed to say that. Sex in my opinion is a perfectly natural human trait,and is one of the best possible tools to build a bond with your partner. That’s another thing I would get
out of a relationship – to be able to explore the full dimensions of my sexuality.That would make me so happy. So yes, sex is a huge thing that I desire, and so I do really need to find a lady where I can actually have some. It would be such fun to do all the dirty sex talk et al with her, while at the same time giggling and laughing. Nothing beats that I am sure.

One would think I am all chauvinistic and stuff – which I am not. I actually align along the feminist side of things – a lady should be in full control of her life, yet be able to contribute her mite to marriage – you know, like we do stuff that we are best at doing in a relationship instead of foisting a specific set of duties on each other. Gotta be all about equality being the core concept here.

I am hard of hearing – maybe that is why I am shy when it comes to developing a relationship with others – or maybe I am too lazy to actually make an effort to start out in that conservative milieu of a society in which I live in. But by God, I have had enough of this – I really need to find the lady of my life – otherwise it would be a life wasted where I have never had the chance to experience the joys and sorrows of a fully fledged relationship. Damn it, I can only think of the many talks I could
have with my love – given that I am a very well read person(not exaggerating!) and can pontify on a great many issues – kind of see patterns in a  great many things around the world  that most people fail to spot and I am guaranteed to drive anyone crazy once I get into that sort of a mood for a talkathon. I actually love intelligent conversations, and it would
be so much fun if I could find a lady with whom I can hold a great many verbal duels. I do think I have too big an ego at times, and I need someone to tamper it down – Ego is usually man’s biggest cause of fall – makes him blind to reality and such.

I want to wake up everyday where I can look into my partner’s eyes and feel that sudden electric feeling of being next to the most awesome person in my life – someone with whom I am blessed to live with. To adore every part of her body – could be the way her hair curls one day, another day her eyes, another day her lips, another day her behind, another day her breasts or simply, just seeing her happy and contended would put me over the moon. Can marriage really be like this – I very much fervently hope so.

Growing up in a conservative society where women are treated like dirt forthe most part, I totally despise that part – females can be the most awesome beings in the word – after, doesn’t life first start out as female in the womb before one of those immutable genetic actions result in a change of the sex to male? And of course, us men would never be born if there were no females about. Women have a lot to teach us – about showing emotion, about loving people, about showing kindness – some of the feminine traits are to be adored. I want to see a world where women are treated better, where they get their due – where they are not harassed every step of their life , where they can explore their own full sexuality. I would for one never ever hurt a women unintentionally myself – even if it results in me staying virgin till the end of days – I would
not lift a finger to touch the hair of a woman – maybe all these are strange old fashioned values – but then I feel I don’t hold a monopoly over the bodies of other females, and simply because I am a virgin, I do have an excuse to start doing that stuff and all.

So here I am, looking to blind love and hoping that it is for real, that it is. Or simply just love that develops over a period of time – Would take that too – relationship is after all about passing a number of markers out along the road – start small and build it into one great crescendo – sort of like the analogy where the hard strife up a steep hill is rewarded with the thrill of a tumble down the other end – ‘Woo hoo – I did it’ feeling types.

Can I pretty please look into the eyes of a lady and say, nothing makes me happier in my life other than looking straight at you. I am sure that is possible.

So please God, I pray aloud to you – show me a path where I can get to experience the joys and tribulations of a well married life. Amen.